What’s with the stupid questions?

Why do people ask such bizarre questions?

When you get to a certain age (especially as a female), people decide its socially acceptable to ask highly personal questions. It starts with ‘when are you getting a boy/girl friend’, then progresses to ‘when are you getting married’ (perhaps, Joyce, I don’t agree with your view on the sanctity of marriage) then once that hurdle is over it becomes ‘when are you having kids’. 

It’s the last one that riled me the most (though I’m sure for others, the other two questions are equally irritating) and it isn’t socially acceptable to say ‘mind your own business Aunty Denise’ (unsure why). For a while, I answered something inane but then, when we realised that getting pregnant wasn’t actually as easy as the nurses hat came into school and showed you how to put a condom on a banana promised, I started to dread being in social situations where someone might ask me. 

It actually made me anxious and I started avoiding people I thought were likely to ask. I find it quite a bizarre question really, there’s no other element of life people would so brazenly question. If I were to say, ‘so Aunty Denise, what’s the rationale for having to remortgage’ or, ‘heard you’ve decided to leave your husband of 23 years, why’s that’ people would look over in horror but it’s totally fine to enquire as to whether people have made the huge life decision to start a family and are having unprotected sex. Bizarre.

I’m also unsure that people think it through. Like will you actually get a straight answer? There are basically six potential scenarios:

  1. The person in question hasn’t decided yet, and probably doesn’t want a philosophical debate with their sisters, neighbours Aunty over their trifle 
  2. They have decided and they don’t want kids, which they equally may not want to discuss 
  3. They’re already pregnant and haven’t told you, so they don’t want you to know 
  4. They have just started trying and don’t want to talk about it
  5. They’re trying but its not happening, in which case your question has reminded them of that when they’re  actually trying to have a good time and not think about it
  6. The least likely – they’re totally open to discussing it with you. In which case they’d have started the conversation themselves

So anyway, I toyed with how to answer this for some time and to be honest, I haven’t really got the answer. I tried ‘ask my ovaries’ which got an awkward silence, ‘I don’t want to discuss it’ which was met with a raised eyebrow and then defaulted to ‘we’re having issues’ which lets face it, no one wants to admit but actually, I found the most liberating because then, they stopped asking me shit. 

Posted by

Hey team, thanks for stopping by. I'm Kate, a thirty something chief of staff from Warrington. I live in London with my husband, Chris and our baby boy Raf. We moved into our Victorian terrace in Peckham in June 2017 and have since been muddling through the trials and tribulations of a double extension whilst going through the drama of infertility and IVF. I set up this site as we learnt a ton of lessons along both the build and the IVF journeys so I thought I'd share what I know in case it helps others!

2 thoughts on “What’s with the stupid questions?

  1. I’ve probably been guilty of asking similar questions of people but way back at a time when I was totally naive about the difficulties people can encounter with conceiving, because it wasn’t something that people talked about. I think now that people talk about fertility more and it’s more common place and understood. As a result there should be less and less people asking such personal questions, no matter what stage of life they’re at. I think it’s great that you share this and if more people do, hopefully people will stop and think. Whether you’re having fertility issues or not it is a highly personal question so why people ask it anyway is odd I guess. Great post though Kate and I hope more people read it Xxx

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    1. Thanks so much Geri ! You’re right, I don’t think people mean it at all but it can have such an impact on people so it’s great to raise awareness and help everyone 💖💖💖 thanks so much for your kind words xx

      Like

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